Too Far Friday: Messy Parents, Messy Kids
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Some of you are mad at your children for talking back to their teachers, for not listening to authority, for acting out in ways that you think are out of control. But let me ask you this: how often do you listen to anyone? How much respect do you have for authority? Are you questioning everything that doesn’t align with your way of thinking? Are you lightweight bullying others in your cliquish circles, always gossiping, stirring the pot, and showing no respect for leadership?
Do you always have a negative attitude, going toe to toe with anyone who crosses your path? Are you constantly combative, looking for an argument, ready to challenge anyone that doesn’t agree with you? If so, your children are watching. And let’s be real, they are becoming what they see.
You’re upset because your child talks back, but who are they learning it from? Every time you disregard authority, talk down on others, or get into a confrontation, your child is right there, soaking it all in. Every bad habit you have – the messiness, the negativity, the disrespect, the constant fighting – they see it. And guess what? They mirror it.
If you’re physically abusive, mentally abusive, or controlling, your children absorb that too. They see the manipulation, the temper, and the way you control situations and people around you. They’re learning to treat others the same way. You might think you’re just “teaching them to be tough” or that “this is the way the world works,” but your child is internalizing these behaviors, and they’re showing up in how they relate to their peers, their teachers, and their future relationships.
If you struggle with drugs or alcohol, your children see that. If you engage in reckless sexual behavior, they’re watching that too. Don’t fool yourself into thinking they’re not paying attention. Children are sponges, and they soak up every action and attitude you put out there. And if you’re dismissing your own behavior, how can you be mad when they start following your footsteps?
Take a moment and think about that.
Imagine if they grow up and all they know is the negative behaviors you’ve shown them. How would you feel if all they become is a reflection of those bad habits you haven’t fixed in yourself?
At some point, you’ve got to face it – it’s your parenting, or the lack thereof, that’s setting the stage. Yes, they are their own person, but let’s not kid ourselves: in many cases, they are what they see.
So, let’s do a real self-check. Write down a list of behaviors and characteristics, both good and bad, that your child has that are similar to your own. And no, you can’t blame the other parent for everything. It’s on you too.
Let’s own it. Let’s be better. For them. And for ourselves.
Let’s own it! We are better together than we are apart!